Quotes by Bo Burnham

I think because of the Internet I was able to study comedy from quite a young age and watch a lot of comedy.

Facebook became ubiquitous when I was 16, so I vaguely formed a sense of myself a little bit. I had kind of learned to think a little bit before the stuff was everywhere.

Basically, I don't like to tweet stuff about my life. I only like to tweet jokes.

It's all about surprising people, and you're not surprising people if you're making them laugh every five seconds.

The strength of comedy is I don't have to answer to anybody, but sometimes you want to learn from other people and see your ideas strengthen by other people.

I'd love to write a song that someone else sings that can actually sing really well.

I'm clearly doing what I want. I hope kids can see my act and feel like they can be slightly more comfortable in their own skin because I'm being so ridiculously comfortable in mine. I'm not that comfortable in my skin the moment I walk offstage. But I try to project that while I'm on it.

If I had posted my first video a week later, I don't know if it would have spread like it did. That's why, with everything I do, I try to enjoy the making of it instead of worrying about the release and reception.

I just like to write and then perform.

I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to.

I don't really care about capitalizing on momentum.

I enjoy stand up so much because I take time off, and then I'll be excited to go back to it.

There's only one rule in stand-up, which is that you have to be funny. Yet 99 per cent of comics look and talk exactly the same.

If a comic is himself, there'll be things he can't do -- because he has to adhere to that persona.

The Internet is so crazy, and you're exposed to so many things. In an hour, you can really jump around.

With 'Words, Words, Words,' that show was me experimenting with something, and then there was a clear direction for me.

I'd love to do something that doesn't have my stupid face in front of it. I feel like I've exhausted what I can do with my own face.

I have no real want or need to be a movie star.

Even in movies like 'Superbad,' they're all lovable kids.

I'm not as incredibly prolific as Louis C. K., and I'm definitely not doing a completely brand-new hour probably by the beginning of the tour.

I'm left-brained, so I'm all about a mathematical approach to language. I've always been interested in that.

Music is really, really mathematical.

All my fans saw me as some little kid who can't even afford new jeans in his room, so they'll support me. That'll work until I become a success.

I don't interact with people much.

People look at me and go, 'He's only successful because he's got a bunch of 16-year-old girls at his back who don't understand comedy.' Well, they do. In any case, no one hates me more than I do; no one's more self-conscious about that than I am.

Everyone in my family is very supportive, and any mention of family in my show is just, in my idea, the funniest version of the family of the guy of who's performing.

I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.

The quality of the work when I was 16... I've had my issues with it, but I've learned to forgive myself because I was 16 years old.

The U.K. and Europe in general seem to be a lot more patient. The U.S. are expecting 'joke joke joke joke joke joke joke.' They don't actually sit and listen to you.

I'll stop when I think I'm not doing good stuff. I'll never exploit something just because people like it.

I don't mind having 16-year-old fans, but I hate just having 16-year-old fans. I want more diversity.

If I was confronted with some 20-year-old American hotshot, I'd hate him.

I don't think I've had a job since I worked for my father's construction company.

I write about what I know: teenage dating, overly charged sexuality, all the things that make you uncomfortable.

I always wanted to be a comedian but never thought I'd be a musical comedian.

I was being called a shock comic. I hated that. It's so cheap and stupid.

I'm still a kid in his bedroom, writing songs and playing them.

I was doing theater in my high school, and I started writing sort of silly songs on the piano backstage in summer theater. I eventually put them online and started getting this little following.

I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I've enjoyed watching.

Being famous is complete luck, and that's something you can't bank on.

I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.

There's tons of dudes -- like David O'Doherty, Tim Key, and Alex Horne -- I made a lot of friends with people who are really incredible comics.

My career was exploding at the same time that social media itself was expanding. But when my online videos were taking off, I didn't think, 'Oh, great! I'm going to be able to parlay this into a career!' I just wanted to be a comedian. I just wanted to perform live.

If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.

I feel lucky, where I'm not 'famous' famous. I'm not someone that everyone kind of knows for no reason. If people know who I am, they like me because if they didn't like me, they forgot about me.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

I'm just a giddy teenager who would like to break into show business any way I can.

Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

Forever and an Instant

Forever and an instant met up one day,
had a short but lovely talk,
then each went on its way.

Being self-aware about doing something you hate doesn't save you from the act.

'what.' is bombastic introspection. It's large, colourful, and loud but hopefully intimate at the same time.

I don't want to monitor my audience too closely, as that can really drive you crazy.

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy.

The unlimited amount of information that I have access to has also given me an unlimited threshold for how I need to be stimulated.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

I'm friends with a lot of comedians, but we don't talk about material. Most comedians I know don't watch a lot of other comedy.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I thought I had more of a European sense of humour than the average American comic.

The average person has one Fallopian tube.

Life, to me, doesn't feel like a straightforward story; it doesn't make sense for me to get up there and just tell a story. Life feels like what my show feels like: chaotic and strange and disconnected.

I love Tim Minchin, Bill Bailey, and Hans Teeuwen, and I'm trying to synthesise elements of theatre into my show a little bit more.

I didn't want to bash young people. I don't want to bash a kid for dreaming or wanting something or being slightly ambitious -- that's not the problem. The actual problem is with the culture surrounding him.

When life gets you down, make a comforter!

I like the idea of conceiving a show and putting on a show, and especially when I got to the place where I could play theaters.

I just look at Miley Cyrus, and I'm like, 'Great, you've doubled your audience. But you've also doubled the number of people that hate you, and doesn't that hurt?' It takes a crazy person not to be affected by that.

A few people know me, and the few people that do know me only know me because they dig my stuff.

My success, literally, is your success figuratively.

I don't worship comedy; at the end of the day, I don't fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.

I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it's totally not, which is why I'm trying to get away from it because it's just easy and automatic.

No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you.

I don't consciously try to make things difficult as much as I try to make them a little different. I like all kinds of laughs. I tried to make a show that elicit groans, guffaws, chuckles, boos.

My persona on stage was always coming from a place of I know better than you and I'm going to be a little bit pretentious in your face with these sort of crass ideas.

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

People give me money and I don't know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.

Bitches and hoes don't exist because the hoes know Bo's a feminist.

I'm happy with what I'm doing. I try not to focus on how I've changed. I just try to focus on what I'm doing now.

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

I think no matter what you do, a certain amount of people are going to call you a sellout, somehow, you know. If I ever start trying to make a living on it.

My first concern is that when you go to a show, you should be present. It's much more exciting to put the camera down and lose yourself in it.

I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

It's not most important to communicate myself on stage as it is to be as funny or interesting as I possibly can on stage. I feel more like I'm doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.

My persona is most importantly just to communicate the material in a way that is most funny and meaningful in the moment. It's more like a character that's sculpted for whatever joke needs communicating at the moment.

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.

Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.

I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet.

I don't want to try to recreate for no reason. Like, me in my bedroom, singing songs to a camera was a special thing that was at that time in my life. But I'm just not that kid. I like the format of it, but I want to be able to release things for free.

Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.

I'm very interested in trying to make comedy shows that are a bit bigger, more theatrical, more of a show. Some people might say I'm trying too hard, but that's a compliment to me. I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys.

If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.

We're having a traditional Thanksgiving -- turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.

I always think of myself as a comedy feeder type person, and that feeder lets themselves get out of your comfort zone as opposed to straight stand up; that feels like honing one skill, like honing one point of view.

What's that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I'll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

I really like maths.

I'd much rather wait till my material is up to par, in my opinion, than rush it just so I can stay in the limelight a little longer.

At one point when I was very young, when I was first starting out, I thought, 'Well, one day I'll be able to put all the music away and become a real comedian.' But then I realized there are amazing musical comedians out there, that musical comedy is probably something I'll always want to pursue.

And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

I'm a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.

It feels like we're always juggling many pieces of information at once or trying out many personas at once. It makes life slightly nonlinear.

I'm not a grown up until everybody realises I'm a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.

Postmodern comedy doesn't work well with very old audiences, because it's making fun of the comedy they enjoy.

I always loved bands who would try to change their sound radically album to album, experiment in one album and revert back in another.

People do complain about the way I act on stage... They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.

The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.

I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.

Where are all the sour patch parents?

You got to take a deep breath and give up. The system is rigged against you.

You can give poor people this royal wedding to watch and make them feel good about themselves, or you can give them something useful like, I don't know... a toaster.

What's important is that you stay true to yourself. Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers -- the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I've got a cousin who is 18... Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.

I've always liked TV shows that have slightly unlikable leads, where you root for them in spite of a lot of things. I know it's not common with shows with young people; they have to be so likable. But, I mean, teenagers just generally aren't very likable. I know I wasn't as a teenager.

I do weird things, and people watch.

Since I got an audience before I even had a comic voice, my material that really wasn't worthy of an audience somehow got it, slightly unfairly.

I've kind of stopped valuing laughter as the end-all measurement of what I'm doing.

A lot of my fans are really young and seem slightly unsure and nervous about things. Hopefully for young people watching my show, it comes away that I'm pretty weird up there.

I've come across people referring to themselves as 'Vine famous.' Some of them started out by putting up Vines just for fun, then all of a sudden they get a bunch of fans, and a week later their Vines are totally different. They become obsessed with how their videos will be perceived.

I know I'm probably digging for fresh fruit in the garbage, and as much as anyone, my attitude is, if stuff's sincere, it's gooey and boring and uninteresting. But it's no way to live.

I have a show on MTV called 'Zach Stone Is Gonna Be Famous.' I think that's a secret to a vast majority of America.

Uncharted territory is a good place to be in.

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.

I just have a problem with youth culture.

Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers? Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really

good point, they should... fix that. It's good to know that somebody finally gets me!

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

I'll do that tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes and it's still today. Tomorrow is a relative term.

Makes Annie a lot more depressing.

When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck

That was sad

Or a deer.

I grew up listening to Steve Martin and Robin Williams, so I didn't ever intend to be a musical comedian. I sort of stumbled into it.

I became good friends with Jack Whitehall. I think he's great, such a great dude, and really funny.

Don't worry, I'm hilarious.

I think I wear my hypocrisy on my sleeve. I would never say I'm not a complete hypocrite.

I fully embrace myself as a hypocrite.

I'm grateful for every stupid mistake and dumb joke I tried to make.

The thing is, I was on YouTube like the golden era, I think. Before ads came in, it was really cool back then.

I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, 'Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast. They must have some special kind of cereal!' My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.

Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.

I would say don't take advice from people like me who have gotten very lucky. We're very biased. You know, like Taylor Swift telling you to follow your dreams is like a lottery winner telling you, 'Liquidize your assets; buy Powerball tickets -- it works!'

I've found, across the board, that comedians have been very respectful and kind to me. And that seems to stem from the fact that they are just respectful and kind people in general. Comedians get a bad rap for being dark and anti-social I think.

The strange thing was, when I was starting on YouTube, even the paradigm of YouTube and Internet sensation -- or whatever -- that didn't really exist. So I didn't even know that that was a thing.

'Words, Words, Words' was very much its title. It's just words, words, words and trying to show that I can pack as much material into an hour as I possibly could word count-wise.

When I see someone filming me, I don't usually think, 'No, man, don't put this up online!' I'd think, 'Hey man, you don't get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!' I love going to theatre and to shows so much.

I try and write satire that's well-intentioned. But those intentions have to be hidden. It can't be completely clear, and that's what makes it comedy.

I was definitely not the kid that just wanted to be famous for no reason whatsoever and then happened to find comedy. Fame and all that stuff have always been slightly terrifying to me, and it makes me very anxious.

At once I feel that comedy is this amazing sort of transcendent thing, and I'm also open to the fact that maybe it's just an evolutionary hiccup, something that upright apes do in their free time.

At the time of 'Words, Words, Words,' I'm a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he's entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that's inherently a little bit ridiculous.

I don't try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.

Most of my songs make fun of myself.

Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop's another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you're talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It's like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.

In high school, I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in -- and I never went.

I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone's watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.

Comedy doesn't really matter that much; I know that. I treat it like an adult -- I don't treat it like a child or a god, which some people do. This might just be in America, but 'stand-up comedy' is something very particular that I don't particularly relate to.

I'm bored way too easily. I'm staring at screens half the day. I need to be overstimulated. And how will that express itself artistically?

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

I've always liked the format of YouTube, sharing things for free, which is a nice exchange between people.

I like to call everyone that I find slightly annoying a 'sociopath.'

I think comedy has a range, with multiple peaks in different areas. It's like trying to compare Beethoven and the Beatles. Sometimes I hear from people, 'I think you try too hard in your comedy.' And that's what I worry about.

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

There's a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that's a bit blurred in my mind.

I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don't have a great ear. It's like a tragedy -- I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.

Comedy should be a source of positivity. I don't want to bully people, and I don't want people to come to my show to feel terrible about something. So I'm actually very open to having a conversation about what I should or shouldn't say.

For me, comedy is constantly presented as this fake casualness, like a guy just walked on stage going, 'This crazy thing happened to me the other day.' And he's in front of 3000 people, and he's acting like an everyman, and he's getting paid so much money.

I've found nothing but support and generosity from older comics. I think comedians are a lot nicer than the stigma is, at least from my experience.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.